Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login


You compose your conversations.
Fitfully gesturing with whatever you hold,
ending arguments with a flourish.
Make a point, now whirl, quickly.
Make it impossible to counter with your unpunctuation.
You duck and weave, spin, sidestep, pirouette:
One, two, one, two, faster, harder, stronger.
You leave me confused and two steps back,
just far enough behind to appear lost and unsure.
And if I catch up, if I make a point,
you spin again, a trail of words falling like pixie dust
as you make your escape.
And as you storm out, you slam the period behind you,
Ending your sentence with a door.
And I must follow you, my thuds down the stairs preceding my statement,
trying to catch up before the page break.
Now I capitalize a W, and follow with an a, i, t.
And you pause, spin, speak, gesture, spin, continue.
A waltz to counter my four-four.

You don't dance your words-
you speak a dance.
You speak a dance Baryshnikov couldn't follow.
You rapidly reverse the rhythm,
changing tempo in a blur of sound,
conducting your opus with hands to match.
Then, as you end your symphony, you bow.
You bow your head, turn on the car, and drive away.
And my two left feet shuffle me back inside,
your concert still ringing in my ears.
A piece about an argument I had with an ex-girlfriend.
Preview image compliments of

Edited: Replaced "haphazardly" with "Fitfully." Corrected spelling on "rhythm"

Edit:
O_O
Daily Deviation? I'm honored.
(What a way to start the day. Log in and find some billion and one messages.)
:faint:
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2005-04-05
I dance in clown shoes. by *zephyrkinetic *zephyrkinetic's piece about an argument he had with an ex-girlfriend is hilarious. Casting himself in the clown role of the title, he's completly dumbfounded by the rhythm and complexity of words dancing from his partners mouth. ( Suggested by themainliner and Featured by jasonvelocity )

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconichors:
Ichors Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2010
Although from the title I thought the narrative would concentrate more on your clumsiness rather than your ex's eloquence, this does not hinder my will to favourite.
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2010
I think I may well have been trying for an implication of irony, but it has been quite a very long time, so I honestly can't quite remember.
Something to do with my inability to properly keep pace.

Thank you for the favorite, also.
Reply
:iconcleopandasaur:
cleopandasaur Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2009
So beautiful! ^^
Reply
:iconastrobadger:
AstroBadger Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2009
Im sorry, I cannot offer any helpful input, but I very much love your poem!

So much so, that I am very cautiously asking if I could use it for my Literature Project in English class.

:hope:
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2009
Two questions:

What does said project entail, and what grade (form, year, etc) are you?

Also, if you're going to use my shit, I require that you get 100% on the project; that means polishing up that punctuation.
Reply
:iconastrobadger:
AstroBadger Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2009
The project? To find a poem that seems to have literary merit. It had to be written in the past ten years. I'm in my last year of highschool, AP Literature.

Very sorry, no offense, but I chose not to use your poem for the project.

I couldn't possibly give your work proper justice.
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2009
:shakefist:

Ah well. I'd have told you to go ahead. Its not as if its terribly good, but whatever.

On the other hand, people who are good at grammar should find themselves in #NaziPit.

Consider that.
Reply
:icontirith-nightly:
Tirith-Nightly Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2008
Amazing. You have a hell of a way with words.
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2008
Thank you.
Reply
:iconmoonwhisperxxx:
MoonWhisperxxx Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2008  Student General Artist
Another piece that just leaves our minds resonating. Well applied, well titled, well read.
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2008
Well met, well commented. ;P
Reply
:iconkuschelirmel:
kuschelirmel Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
brilliant how you play with words and rhythm :clap:

two lines before you picture words trailing around her I could already see them in my mind - though to me, the girlfriend is the clown, I picture her in a circus arena while you are standing there like a viewer brought into the scene unsepectedly...

certainly sparks my imagination :aww:
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2008
Hrm. Interesting interpretation, with the girl as the clown. That was far from my intent, as my whole point was how such a composer of words makes it impossible to keep up in a conversation, and especially in an argument. I only use the term "clown shoes" to mean a huge hindrance to ambulation, i.e. clown shoes are floppy, and thus hard to dance in; so in fact, there's no clown at all, per se.

Nothing wrong with how you saw it either, though. I'm a huge believer in the literature-meaning-whatever-the-viewer-thinks theory. =D
Reply
:iconkuschelirmel:
kuschelirmel Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm a big fan of the circus and the coordination a clown needs to perform (with the big shoes and the nose and all that) is pretty remarkable in my book. I hadn't really read the title until later - all that had stuck was "clown", so my imagination ran amok :giggle:
and the look on some viewer's face when they get drawn into the scene as "volunteer" unable to leave or they'd make a fool of themselves and unable to really go along with the clown cos they don't know what is coming seemed rather fitting, too... and the picture of the door slamming down (more comic-like, perhaps a bit like that jeanny in disney's aladdin that conjours up all kinds of things) did the rest :D
Reply
:iconprofessional-geek:
professional-geek Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2008
Wonderful piece. You have brlliantly used the dance metaphor, and the confusion in the poem is compelling. I really enjoyed reading this; you have a great gift :) Muchly appiciated even by the novices I assure you!
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2008
Thank you very kindly. :)
Reply
:iconshaikhara:
shaikhara Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2007
i like the concept of words dancing around. While you're trying to keep up with them, following the rhythm, dancing with them.
Reply
:iconthousandthpapercrane:
I'm sure everything's been said before. Well, you wowed me. :D
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2007
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconmiilii-mahou:
Miilii-Mahou Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2007
really love the way you use the language, i wasnt expecting it at all from others ive seen online, people like you are the reason i gave up poetry :headbang:
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2007
Aw. Thanks.
Reply
:iconsir-cool:
Sir-Cool Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2007
Sorry not really liking this one...not very much imagery
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2007
Have I met you?
Reply
:iconsir-cool:
Sir-Cool Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2007
ahh....no? why?
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2007
I was wondering at the open hostility.
Reply
:iconsir-cool:
Sir-Cool Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2007
No hostility, just my opinion...
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2007
Ah.
Well, opinions are welcome, but advanced critique is encouraged.
Try and play along, eh?
Reply
:iconsir-cool:
Sir-Cool Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2007
Ok, I'm so sorry your right,

Well like i said, There isn't very much imagery, and the little that there is i find to be somewhat weak.

although....a trail of words falling like pixie dust = good!

The flow is really hard to follow, it seems like you couldn't make up your mind in the way you were trying to say everything.

And i don't get me wrong i think it has a great message! but i always like seeing more said with less...try cutting unneeded parts out!

but as always if you like it, that is all that matters!
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2007
Alright, well, thanks.
Reply
:iconsir-cool:
Sir-Cool Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2007
Sorry not really liking this one...not very much imagery
Reply
:iconekahnicole:
ekahnicole Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2007
i just stumbled upon this today, and i must say it is simple amazing. i love the metaphor that you've used here. it fits so perfectly with the mood and the events you are describing. while i was reading this i was picturing your ex the whole time- following her every movement and your every thought.

:omfg: thats pretty wow for me.
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2007
:blush:

Thanks.
Reply
:iconekahnicole:
ekahnicole Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2007
=D you are welcome!
Reply
:iconchandraken:
Chandraken Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2006
Brilliant piece of literature :D I love how the poem can be applied to different scenarios, I mean you wrote this about an argument with your ex, and yet I read it and understood it as perhaps a buisness meeting or even a court case! I guess that interpretation was from watching Chicago too much - "Razzle Dazzle them, and they'll never catch wise!"

Keep up the good work.
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2006
Ha! I've never had anyone come up with the Chicago comparison, but it was pretty much the same sort of thing. I didn't really think about it until just now. Well spotted.
Reply
:iconchandraken:
Chandraken Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2006
Thank my obsession with Performing Arts! Seriously though - Keep up the great work, it's inspiring :D
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2006
Thanks.
Reply
:iconspikergurl29:
spikergurl29 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2006  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My favorite poem ever! It just... fits.
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2006
Arigato.
Reply
:iconbleu-vigne:
bleu-vigne Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2006
You don't dance your words-
you speak a dance.

My favourite line, everything just seems to flow out effortlessly.
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2006
I like that line an awful lot, as well.
Reply
:iconbleu-vigne:
bleu-vigne Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2006
"Great minds think alike." lol, that's something my friend keeps telling me.
Reply
:iconmolofishy:
molofishy Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2006
Haha hoohoo. I love the way you describe both the male and female. He's lost and always a few steps behind, and she's so quick and witty. Love it all. Also the dialogue between you and smellykat20! :P
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2006
That "he" was me. ;) Probably why I did such a good job describing him, eh?

Thank you for your appreciation.
Reply
:iconsmellykat20:
smellykat20 Featured By Owner May 7, 2006
Absolutley love this poem ! love the imagery and how you make it as though you are her orchestra and she is the conductor ... and you dance to her rhythm but she does it better, fabulous imagery- absolutley adore the focused and well expressed ideas. what a talent!
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner May 7, 2006
:o
Not sure that you correctly interpreted the poem; on the other hand, I'm not sure that I correctly interpreted your interpretation.
In any case, thanks for reading.
Reply
:iconsmellykat20:
smellykat20 Featured By Owner May 8, 2006
i did interpret it right first time ... but after some thinking i had another way of looking at it ... besides theres no right or wrong answers ! B-)
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner May 9, 2006
Well, there actually are wrong answers. I mean, if we were interpreting a centuries-old poem, then there's not really anyone who can say you're right or wrong; however, I'm the actual author. If I say you misinterpreted it, you did.
Reply
:iconsmellykat20:
smellykat20 Featured By Owner May 11, 2006
yeah ok. im js a thick twat i'll shut up now. good poem anyway.
Reply
:iconzephyrkinetic:
zephyrkinetic Featured By Owner May 12, 2006
:roll:
I wasn't insulting you; just correcting you. That happens, like, when you make mistakes. You don't like it, be correct more often.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

Featured in Collections

DD's of 2005 by krissimonsta

words of the wise by lilfairydanzer

words by neverdidland


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
April 21, 2004
File Size
1.5 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
18,429 (2 today)
Favourites
322 (who?)
Comments
314
×